High and ultra high net worth families often enjoy lavish lifestyles, which can lead many to think there can be no trouble in paradise. However, many affluent people can find themselves trapped in abusive relationships, and may not know where to turn for fear of being labeled as ‘spoilt’.

Commenting in Tatler, partner Kate Brett addresses the common misconceptions around abuse in HNW relationships.

Do you think there’s a misconception regarding this kind of abuse among women in affluent and high-net-worth families/backgrounds?

“The perception of women in such families and backgrounds is often that they are living a supremely privileged life, and as a result any complaints about hardship of any type are largely dismissed by the wider society, seen as ‘spoilt’ or, in the case of financial abuse, it can be interpreted as greed or ‘golddigging’ – in particular where the wife may not have contributed financially to the wealth of the family and is therefore seen as ‘less deserving’ and with no right to complain.

“There is a general presumption in some cases that it takes power, authority or dominance to be wealthy and successful and, to that end, the other party knew what they were getting into, and indeed they have had the benefit of that.”

What are the most common abuse tactics most used against UHNW women?

“Ultimately it is about instilling fear; a fear of being ‘left with nothing’, often a repeated threat from abusive husbands, and having to take control of their lives financially. This is something they have not and cannot imagine having to do because they have been financially controlled and dominated during their marriage, often having sacrificed their own careers while they remain at home, which comes with it not only an erosion of independence but also confidence. Very often information about finances is kept from them, which increases their vulnerability and reinforces the power imbalance, and the feeling of utter dependency and lack of control. If you are told you know nothing about the finances or wouldn’t understand it often enough, you start to believe it.

“The second is, inevitably, fear of losing the children. That is of course a tactic often deployed by husbands, but in UHNW cases it can hit harder because wives fear that husbands have unlimited resources and ‘power’ to fight. Children are often a woman’s ‘Achilles heel’, particularly if they have not worked and children have been the focus of their life.”

Do UHNW women find it hard to leave abusive relationships for fear of being cut-off? What are the biggest problems you help clients navigate?

“Absolutely. That is terrifying for an abused woman to comprehend not only because they are having to find the courage to leave an abusive relationship that is seen by so many as the perfect life, but they then have to contemplate somehow managing their own resources and lives in a way they have never had to do. This is combined with a loss of status and identity, and a fear of a battle with someone they consider to be more powerful, more intelligent and more informed than they could ever imagine being because that has been drilled into them over many years.

“The biggest challenge to overcome is to overturn the mindset that their husband is somehow more powerful and holds all the cards. They don’t. There has to be a change of approach, and a clear message to the abuser that they don’t. It is a question of equipping wives with the information and advice they need to understand their rights and to ultimately believe that, with the help of the legal process and wider support, they can back take control.

“I should also say that it does of course happen the other way round, where the abuser is the woman and the abused is the man. In some ways that can be harder, as it brings with it more stigma, a sense of shame and embarrassment, and also a belief that nobody will ever believe them. This is particularly relevant if, to the outsider, the husband is seen as the more powerful, wealthy and successful party.”

Read Kate’s comments in Tatler, here.